plausible word vomit 1 [rewritten]

there's something about you that makes you different than everyone else;
you make me feel so soft and pathetic and i never want you to leave,
i hate it.
'cause i think i'm catching feelings - it's fucking happening again.
do you want to carve me open?
because i think i'd let you. it already feels like you've reached in there and touched my guts (heart, liver, spleen) anyway.
and it feels so sickeningly sweet.
i like worrying about you. i like the drenching feeling because it stems from you and not anything else.
and, fuck, i wonder if you worry about me too.
i wonder a lot. when you listen to music, do you shuffle and kick your feet to the beat? because i do too. i wonder if you hum along like an idiot or just subtly nod your head.
i wonder what you smell like. i wonder what your hair looks like wet. i wonder what you look like after crying. i wonder what you'd look like if we kissed - if we fucked. i wonder what you'd look like eating your favourite food. i wonder if you smile when you're embarrassed.
i think i'm catching feelings,
'cause it's happening again.

07/12/23
[originally written 03/30/23]
- ch.rlie